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Internet Users tell how they screwed up on a thread called “Today I F’d-up” (TIFU)

A Simple mistake almost ruined this guy’s parent’s marriage

I almost ruin my parents marriage.

A bit of context: I got banned from tinder a few years ago for selling feet pics (oops) but was recently single and wanted to get back in the game. After deciding other dating apps were a little too wholesome for me, I decided to go for Tinder. I needed a phone number that wasn’t blocked, so I used my mom’s and then called her and got the code. I figured, she’s like 60 and probably doesn’t even know what a dating app is, so no harm, no foul right?

Today we’re all sitting at the table getting ready to eat breakfast and my step dad comes out and sits down. He’s calm as can be as he butters his toast. He glances up from his paper and says to all of us, “I am packing my things and leaving this afternoon.”

I almost spit out my orange juice. My brothers start crying. Mom is sputtering, trying to figure out what is going on. She keeps asking why, and he pulls out a literal printed page from the google search results of “what is tinder”. He hands it to my mom. She doesn’t even know what is going on at this point, she doesn’t remember giving me the code months ago.

I grab the paper from her and read it, and realize where I f’d up. I turn to my step dad and let him know, frantically, that it was me. He asks why in the world I would need to use her phone to make the account. I scroll through my phone, find an album of different angles of my FEET, and explain to him. He was thoroughly disgusted, and went back to their room through almost tears of laughter. I don’t think he’s still leaving but my family will never look at my the same again.

Reddit user: throwawaybcbigboy

This guy made the classic mistake before giving blood.

I passed out while giving blood

So I went to give blood at my local donation place today. It opened at 11 and I knew it was going to be pretty busy, so decided to go as it opened. We had had a huge family dinner the night before and I had eaten pretty well, so much so that I still wasn’t feeling very hungry, so I just grabbed a protein bar before I left. I’ve given blood a few times and although my blood pressure and iron are usually on the lower side I’ve never even felt fatigue after donating.

Everythings going well, I’m chuffed cause my iron is up, got a bed, the line is really filling up behind me and I’m patting myself on the back for being early. I’m almost done donating when I suddenly feel very tired and my vision starts going. I’ve never fainted before and don’t know what’s going on. I lie back and (very calmly) say to the nurse “Think I’m gonna faint now”.

Next thing I know I’m having a lovely dream about scrolling through Reddit in bed while watching a movie. It’s lovely and warm and I am so so tired and falling asleep. Then suddenly someone starts trying to wake me up. I start screaming and pull my arms towards me, and whoops, I’m back in the blood donation centre and there are 5 nurses and a very long line of people staring at me. Also my arm is hurting from where I pulled the needle out. And yes, my screams were loud. Oh, if only the floor could have swallowed me whole.

By Reddit User: theflippantsouvenir

Don’t be like this guy, be more careful

Leaving my teeth on the table

This isn’t as bad as some of the FU’s here, but it still almost turned my life upside down.

So a bit of backstory, I have an upper partial denture for my 5 front teeth. (Don’t do meth, kids! I’ve been clean for a little over 4 years but the years I spent doing it, and neglecting my teeth, definitely took their toll.)

I got the partial 2 years ago. It was my parent’s gift to me, as they wanted me to “have a smile for Christmas.” Seriously the best gift I’ve ever received.

Ever since I got it, my sleep has been riddled with nightmares of losing it, breaking it, etc. In one particularly bad dream, I watched my teeth be run over by an 18 wheeler. Needless to say, it’s a constant fear.

Well. It finally happened.

Wednesday evening I was coming off of 3 long shifts at work that began early and ended late. I decided to go to bed early, and left my dentures on the coffee table. When I got up Thursday morning to take my daughter to school and couldn’t find them, I freaked out! Remembered they’d been on the table and started looking… Only to find teeth and little pieces of denture all over my living room floor, and my dog, Loki, looking a little guilty. I freaked out. My nightmare had come true.

Luckily this TIFU ends well and I’m more blessed than I could have imagined… I called my dad and, after he laughed at me a little, he told me to make some phone calls and he’d front me the money for a new one. I was able to get the only available appointment they had open yesterday, and I’m now in the office waiting for my new set of teeth. Also, this is the last day the office is open until mid-January, so I was super lucky to get taken care of in time! I am super self conscious about my teeth, or lack thereof, and can’t imagine living without them for 3 weeks. I’ll definitely be more proactive about where I put them moving forward.

By: Redit User: jillieboobean

Newborn babies should be off limits

Being the awkward neighbor

For the past year I’ve lived in my apartment complex and quite successfully avoided meeting my neighbors, until today. Literally like 10 minutes ago my neighbor knocked on my door and asked if I had any pliers; which I did, but instead of just handing them off I had a better idea, go into the neighbor’s apartment with her. So it doesn’t sound like a big deal except I haven’t introduced myself, I don’t know her name and her husband/sig other and child are in the living room looking at me like “who the folk?” That’s not even the worst part… I tried to help while making awkward conversation.. Well at this point the older child has been sent to it’s room and the husband takes over. So what do I do? I stand there. And I couldn’t help but notice a smaller human in a chair. I work with infants, I have terrible baby fever and I’m also a huge fan of tiny things in general so of course I have to do fawn over this tiny ray of sunshine. I ask how old the baby is and they say 6 days old and me being me gush over it. I mean this little baby is so tiny she could fit in both of my hands with no problems. And she’s so cute I can’t help but go into full on work mode like I do with my babies at work… In a stranger’s house… Who’s name I don’t know… Luckily I realized how creepy that was and (not so gracefully) took my leave. After apologizing like 12 times. God I hope they don’t think I’m a freaking weirdo.

By reddit user: dreailedchuutrain

Lets hope this next one never happen to any of us at work.

By not logging out of my google account on a work computer

So at my job we have shared desktops that contain our online booking system as well as a google account for us to use google drive. Clients are booked on the hour or occasionally the half hour, so there is a lot of downtime between checking people in and out. That being said, many of my coworkers, despite it technically not being allowed, personally use our computers. Well, a coworker of mine left her google account logged in on the computer I was using. Today, I clicked on the drive to get into work documents and her account default opened. Right there in front of me was an entire drive full of nude photographs of both her and her boyfriend, mostly her boyfriend. This included shots they took of themselves, photos of the both of them inside of one another, and multiple videos of her performing oral sex on him. I have never been so second hand embarrassed in my life. Shocked, I immediately logged out of her account and then ran to the break room to type up this post. I work with her frequently and also know her boyfriend well enough that I don’t think I’ll be able to look either of them in the eye for at least a month.

By reddit user: heatwa

Be careful when searching through people’s stuff

Looking for my Christmas present. I found much more.

I may be 26 but I’m still a big kid. I’m visiting my parents for Christmas and while our family was never big on presents, I wanted to see what they had got me so I can one-up them. You see, we don’t buy presents with ‘want’ in mind, we buy funny shit. Last year, my dad kept complaining he was getting older so I bought him a walking stick complete with a horn, flame stickers etc.

While I was snooping around, I come across a box. I thought I had hit the jackpot. This is where my eyeballs shriveled like a sundried tomato and I wish I was squirted on the sheets at conception.

In this box was my dad’s porn collection. Unlike us normal humans who watch porn on the internet, he had gone one step further and printed. Now, this isn’t the horrific part.

The horrific part is that he had printed the ENTIRE PAGE, complete with the side bar, ads, top bar, web address etc. Not only did I see a selection of gaping assholes, I saw years of hard-earned hours of technology coaching dwindling before my eyes. This is a man who often called me at 5am to coach him how to save a document onto a USB. All of this was for nothing.

By Reddit user: shittycent

She thought it was what?

Buying my husband a vibrator for Christmas

Last week while I was browsing Reddit I saw an adorable video of a cat interrupting someone’s calf massage to borrow the massager. While watching the video, I figured that’s a really cool looking massager, I wonder what it is and how much it would cost as I hate giving massages and my husband loves them.

Naturally, I scroll through the comment section to find if any helpful redditor had already provided this information and lucky me they had! I look up the product they say it is, read the descriptor and it describes itself as a personal body massager, great for getting rid of aches and pains, completely waterproof (I’m thinking ohh so he can use massage oils too!). My husband was next to me so I didn’t look at the image too long. You all see where this is going.

Money was tight this year and I had just found out the gift I had ordered already for my husband was lost by Canada Post and it was unlikely to arrive before Christmas. I made a snap decision and ordered the massager on the spot. I returned to browsing Reddit before my husband could ask me what I was up to.

Well, today it arrived, I open the delivery box, looked at the product box and I realized it looks an awful lot like a vibrator. I looked the product back up and sure enough, it sure is.

Turns out the product I was looking for was actually simply called a massage gun, which is sadly out of my budget. Thanks kind redditor, I did not need a $50 vibrator while money is tight.

By: Reddit User: Elya91

He should have known it wasn’t candy

By eating my grandmother’s weed gummies

So this wasn’t today but I was high as a kite when it happened, but I bet some people would be interested in reading this.

I (18M) am not the kind of person to drink or smoke or anything. And I never though my gramma (78) would have freaking weed gummies.

So basically I was home around the end of October. I was hungry and made some soup. I saw a packet of these watermelon gummies (keep in mind this is my grandmother’s house. It’s right before Halloween and there’s candy all over. Also MARIJUANA IS ILLEGAL IN MY STATE) And I ate them immediately. They were pretty good but a little bitter. I didn’t mind much tho.

Then I looked at the package. I’m telling you, I am all for weed legalization but they need to put better marking on these products because I then saw the smallest freaking marijuana leaf on this package and my world was shook.

I took 100mg as a first time dose.

Cue the worse psychological experience in my life for the next 24 hours followed by a week long hangover.

“BuT wEeD DoEsNt hAvE a HanGoVeR”

Well for me it did. And I’m in college. I had to drive back two days after eating the gummies. Cue a week of absolute hell. Can’t sleep, can’t function

Cue the FREAKING CHEMISTRY EXAM

I got a freaking 100% how the hell.

By Reddit user: Tat0rman

No one said anything?

Cutting in line

At costco walking towards cashiers. See new self check out. Walk over, one is free. I scan my stuff pay with my card. But no receipt comes out. An employee walks over to help I tell her what’s up. She gives my card to mgr who is gunna check, make sure it went thru. Has me wait on the side. As I’m waiting I look over and see a huge line of people I had just walked by without noticing like at least 15 people no joke it was long enough to turn in to an isle. The line was for the self check out but it was behind some pallets full of stuff so I didnt notice it. I had just cut in line without noticing. But the shame I felt standing there waiting for my card back in plain view of the line I had just cut in front of I assure you was monumental. I’m sure they must of thought that’s what u get u piece of shit.

By Reddit User: don_ramon_

Not the worst thing that could happen, but hey, who am I to judge?

TIFU and ruined a vacation cruise by forgetting passports.

This happened a few years ago. By way of a special rewards program at my work I had qualified for a cruise for my wife and I that would depart Tampa, FL to go to Grand Cayman and Cozumel, Mexico. We live in Palm Beach County, three hours from Tampa. My wife’s sister lives 30 minutes from Tampa so we drove up to her house the day before the cruise was to leave and stayed the night there. The next morning while two of my coworkers who had also qualified for the cruise had to get up early and drive three hours, we had a leisurely breakfast and headed for the port. That’s when I realized our passports were at home three hours away and the final boarding call for the ship was in two hours. What a way to ruin a vacation.